Believe, unconditionally, what the victim tells you. It is her experience and her perception. For now, you must focus on what she is experiencing and saying. You do not have to prove that an assault occurred. This is not the time to ask questions or attempt to validate the information she is giving you.

Harmful reactions: Being suspicious, making comments that cast doubt on her word or question her integrity.

Prioritize active listening and avoid leading questions.

Before asking questions, you must let the person speak at her own pace, which can be very difficult for loved ones. Such a disclosure can give rise to intense emotions and many questions, but it is better to let her speak at her own pace and not put pressure on her. A calm tone and a reassuring attitude are also appropriate; it can be good for the victim to know that someone has the situation in hand, without trying to decide anything for her.

Harmful reactions:

Respect the victim’s experience and let her speak to you in her own words and disclose what she can. Do not ask her questions about the assault; the victim is more important than the events.

Respect the victim’s experience and let her speak to you in her own words and disclose what she can. Do not ask her questions about the assault; the victim is more important than the events.

Harmful reactions: Trying to extract details from her, asking too many questions.

Not all victims react in the same way, but a sexual assault always affects their intimacy and psychological integrity. It is therefore important not to minimize, dramatize, or compare what they are experiencing.

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Assure her of your discretion and confidentiality, unless the assaults persist or her safety is compromised.

Harmful reactions: Swearing that you will never tell anyone.

Refrain from expressing the outrage or anger you feel about the situation in front of her. She might hold back from speaking or feel abnormal for not feeling anger herself.

The emotions she is experiencing can manifest in different ways, and their expression should be encouraged rather than suppressed. Let her cry, scream, laugh, and encourage the expression of her feelings, including anger and shame. These emotions are normal, and it is important that she knows it is normal to experience them and that she has the right to express them as she feels.

Harmful reactions : Preventing the victim from expressing the negative emotions she is experiencing on the grounds that one should not live in the past or that it is not good for her.

It is never the victim’s fault: place the responsibility on the aggressor. Any remark can appear as an accusation and make the victim feel more guilty, thus compromising her recovery.

It is possible that she feels partly or totally responsible for what happened. We start from the principle that this is a criminal act committed by the aggressor. Regardless of her attitude, her clothing, her reaction, or her lack of reaction, it is important to know that she is in no way responsible for what happened.

Harmful reactions : blâmer la victime pour ce qu’elle n’a pas fait. Lui laisser entendre qu’elle a dû provoquer, qu’elle a sa part de responsabilité dans ce qui lui arrive.

Check if the person is in danger, if she has suicidal thoughts, and if she needs professional help.

Assure her of your availability while respecting your own limits, and check if the person has a support network (family, friends).

Letting the person make her own choices helps her regain power over her life. Encourage her and focus on her strengths.

While looking with her at the options before her, you can look together at the advantages and disadvantages of each. However, she must make the decisions that suit her and be supported in these choices.

Harmful reactions : Smothering, overprotecting the victim, or making decisions for her.

Encourage her to seek support: referring is helping.

It is important to listen to ourselves and try to recognize our limits, our fears, and our prejudices. We must identify and question them to avoid transmitting them to the person we want to help. Furthermore, despite the best will in the world, we may feel that the situation is too difficult for us; it is not a weakness, but a strength to recognize this and ask for help from professionals specialized in helping victims of sexual assault.